It's Friday night at 9.20pm and I am sitting alone in my room and typing this posting out.
I used to one of the TGIFers as I would have activities packed to the brim. Now, it is just non-working days to me. It's been a long long time since I had any programs after work on days like these.
The thing about having plenty of time on hand like what I have now is you will start to think a lot and I did reflect on why do I seem to be existing and not living as of late.(Btw, this sentence was what I always tell people when I think they are not living their life)
Could it be a case of been there, done that? All my friends too busy with their own stuff? Too poor to spend on any programs? Lazy?
I think it started out when my gf(now wife) did not had many friends(4 to be exact) when I knew her. She would always let me know how bored she was facing the four walls at home whenever I'm not with her. Be it I am out with my friends, attending classes or playing soccer.
Obviously I hated that. It made me feel guilty unnecessarily even though it was my fault.
But as one who also dislikes confrontations and quarrels, I do all that I can to prevent such "guilt-ridden" situation from arising. I cut down my outings with friends my classes also ended eventually..
Soccer sessions were beyond me as I was never the organizer. It's always subjected to the availability of the organizer, headcount and weather. Otherwise we would play every Saturday afternoon. I still could remember during our relationship initially, I purposely avoided picking up her calls prior to or during my journey to the soccer pitch.
Because 9 out ot 10 times it would become a court trial, she would become a Prosecutor and start making me feel guilty. Although her intent may just be to let out some steam of boredness but how should I make myself react otherwise? Non-chalent?
Thus how could anyone continue with anything, let alone soccer, when the mood had gone downwards.
Fast forward to present:
She'd got to know new people from her new part-time diploma course, she started blogging got to know some bloggers and her relationships with her peers at work seemed to be cool too. Not forgeting her existing group of friends and her ever expanding network of mahjong legs.
She asked me to accompany her to a bloggers meet-up today but I wasn't keen. She followed by asking me why I don't ask my friends out. I didn't had an answer.
Reflecting in her question, I guess having rejected my friends invitations so many times before so as to accompany my gf had impress upon them that I was too busy for anything else. Hence, no more invites. I'd graduated and my classmates have their own life to catch up with. And I could remember when was the last time I'd played soccer.
In a span of two years, the size of my social circle shrank while hers increased. She became me and I became her.
I am the one facing four walls now.
The irony of life.
I used to one of the TGIFers as I would have activities packed to the brim. Now, it is just non-working days to me. It's been a long long time since I had any programs after work on days like these.
The thing about having plenty of time on hand like what I have now is you will start to think a lot and I did reflect on why do I seem to be existing and not living as of late.(Btw, this sentence was what I always tell people when I think they are not living their life)
Could it be a case of been there, done that? All my friends too busy with their own stuff? Too poor to spend on any programs? Lazy?
I think it started out when my gf(now wife) did not had many friends(4 to be exact) when I knew her. She would always let me know how bored she was facing the four walls at home whenever I'm not with her. Be it I am out with my friends, attending classes or playing soccer.
Obviously I hated that. It made me feel guilty unnecessarily even though it was my fault.
But as one who also dislikes confrontations and quarrels, I do all that I can to prevent such "guilt-ridden" situation from arising. I cut down my outings with friends my classes also ended eventually..
Soccer sessions were beyond me as I was never the organizer. It's always subjected to the availability of the organizer, headcount and weather. Otherwise we would play every Saturday afternoon. I still could remember during our relationship initially, I purposely avoided picking up her calls prior to or during my journey to the soccer pitch.
Because 9 out ot 10 times it would become a court trial, she would become a Prosecutor and start making me feel guilty. Although her intent may just be to let out some steam of boredness but how should I make myself react otherwise? Non-chalent?
Thus how could anyone continue with anything, let alone soccer, when the mood had gone downwards.
Fast forward to present:
She'd got to know new people from her new part-time diploma course, she started blogging got to know some bloggers and her relationships with her peers at work seemed to be cool too. Not forgeting her existing group of friends and her ever expanding network of mahjong legs.
She asked me to accompany her to a bloggers meet-up today but I wasn't keen. She followed by asking me why I don't ask my friends out. I didn't had an answer.
Reflecting in her question, I guess having rejected my friends invitations so many times before so as to accompany my gf had impress upon them that I was too busy for anything else. Hence, no more invites. I'd graduated and my classmates have their own life to catch up with. And I could remember when was the last time I'd played soccer.
In a span of two years, the size of my social circle shrank while hers increased. She became me and I became her.
I am the one facing four walls now.
The irony of life.
5 comments:
hmmm...sound veri true indeed...she seems to be gettign busier too...haven't been meeting up for MJ with the usual kakis too often also liaoz...hehe...
Guess datz life...dun sound so gloomy leh...u can always find pple to ur plc for MJ also ma...c'mon, it's CNY! Cheer up & win more money k!
hey, dun get angry and gloomy lah ... was hoping u will turn up with her leh, even got my dear to be @home to standby to chat with you... cheer up and sorry leh ...
You are not alone, I can understand your position.
But I feel that what you are going through is inevitable for most couples (us included) - most of us will have this phase, when we realised that we seemed to have sacrifice everything for the relationship (social life, interests, etc). That's part of nesting.
The key now is to move on (having already set up the nest) and to find yourself again (this phase comes in when u are bored). That's how couples grow...I now encourages my hubby to go play basketball when he has time, while I try and make new friends (at work) and hang out with them after work (when I was still working lah)...u can try and do more things after work and dedicate weekends for the family.
Just my 2 cents worth. Hope u won't find me too nosy with my unsolicited advice. :p
Thanks Joycelyn. I make sure I'll make full use of your blessing on more Wu Tais. :)
No lah Xin. I'm not angry or gloomy. More of pondering of how ironic that our situations are reversed since 2 years ago. So no need to sorry and pls continue to jio her out hor.. ;)
Su Mei, I had always appreciated your logical advice. What you said made lotsa sense. I guess my life can only be as boring(or as interesting) as I make it to be.
well life is like tis.. Role are forever being reversed. You shld get ur gangs out to plae too. Gettin married does nt mean u lost ur freedom. Take care
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