No Sex Tonight

This is a real cracker

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much, and I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel Like it, I just want you  to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.  We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.  I walked around with her while she tried on several very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to  compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Let's get a pair for each outfit."  We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited!  She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck!  I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.  I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, Honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear. Let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?!"

I then said, "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial means as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."  And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
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Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.